Under HIS Wings6's Blog

Psalm 91:4 HE shall cover you with HIS pinions and under HIS wings you shall trust and find refuge…

A Meeting With Jesus~A sample from my book

on February 21, 2011

 

There came a point in my life when just living was no longer an option.  For me, a desperation had set in to such a degree, I knew that if something didnt happen, a miracle of sorts, I was not going to make it another day.  No one knew how at night my cries to the Lord were telling Him to take me away from this world.  No one knew how I cried again in the morning with feelings of guilt because of my love for my girls.  Truly I didnt want to leave them, but I wanted relief from the pain.  The pain of being ill, alone, without ever knowing true love, and feeling utterly abandoned.  Two divorces, a single Mom, a  debilitating disease.  But this particular evening was a Tuesday night.  Our church had intercessory prayer and so I readied myself and with  purpose in my heart I went to…well… find some answers.  Upon arrival I realized the door was open and the music was playing.  Making my way down to the alter, my thoughts went to wondering…where is everyone?  Why is the music playing and there isnt anyone else here?  Who unlocked the door? Being alone I lifted my hands in worship and sobbing cried out to the Lord, ” I need You Jesus, and I refuse to leave this place until I see You.”  Over and over through tears again and again I asked.  This must be what Hannah looked like when she was confused for a drunk.  Oh how I related to her suffering and torment!

1 Samuel 1:9 Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the LORD’s house. 10 In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly. 11 And she made a vow, saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

 12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”

 15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

 17 Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.

It was if there were no other in existence in the world besides me, and here I stood,  alone.  Crying out to a God I could not see,  ” Where are you, Jesus.  Why have you left me alone?  I must see You, I have to see you?”  A familiar hand grabbed hold of mine.  My dear friend, Susan.  But only for a moment was her presence with me.  Then it happened.  It was as if my legs were jelly.  I could hear the sound of ocean waves roaring, and the wind as if a heavy gail was swirling about me, but wait…how can that be?  There is no ocean here.  I’m in a church.  Again my legs trembling beneath me.  I could hear a song playing as if it were in the distance, More love, More Power, More of You in my life, More love, More Power, More of You in My life and I will worship…the waves again, legs wobbling, falling forward.

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